I’m learning that one can be an agent of production and reproduction, but not change or take control of her own production and reproduction. At least, that is what I am told while my body and story is appropriated for some grand project in ways that I don’t always appreciate. I’m trying to live, act and breathe within this complex dilemma of vying to stay with my American family even while rejecting my belonging to any project that perpetuates the American Empire. I don’t know if that makes sense to anyone. But this unique experience has created me. I wish that instead of being cast as part of one grand narrative or another, people could understand my beautiful complexity, the deep sense of love and loss inside me, and my ultimate desire to simply be whole again — whatever that may mean.