The National Immigrant Youth Alliance Statement on Wal-Mart Walkouts: You Can’t Deport Workers’ Rights!


The National Immigrant Youth Alliance (NIYA) Statement in Support of Wal-Mart “Black Friday” Walk-outs  Wal-Mart: You Can’t Deport Workers’ Rights!   Wal-Mart workers are fighting back and need our help! In one of the biggest labor fights this

BREAKING: Viridiana Martinez to be Released From Broward Detention Center


August 3, 2012 media@theniya.org 734.262.9705 BREAKING: Viridiana Martinez to be Released From Broward Detention Center Public move displays hypocrisy of immigration officials BROWARD, Fl.—Viridiana Martinez is being released from Broward Transitional Center right

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE: Marco Saavedra, NIYA’s Second Implanted Activist, has been Detained in Broward Since July 11


August 1st, 2012 media@theniya.org 734.262.9705  Marco Saavedra, NIYA’s Second Implanted Activist, has been Detained in Broward Since July 11 Hundreds of stories gathered and hunger strikes under way; infiltrations to continue  MIAMI—Today, the National

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE: NIYA Infiltrates Florida Detention Center to Prove Fraud of Obama Immigration Policy


July 30, 2012 media@theniya.org   734.262.9705 NIYA Infiltrates Florida Detention Center to Prove Fraud of Obama Immigration Policy Now demands full review of facility, jail organizing inside to continue  MIAMI—The National Immigrant Youth Alliance will hold a

Leaked White House Comprehensive Immigration Reform Bill

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Here’s the 45 page text of the White House immigration reform bill. What do you think? Send us your comments or questions to info@theniya.org, or post them on our Facebook page. We want to hear your thoughts, so share with us!

The National Immigrant Youth Alliance Statement on Wal-Mart Walkouts: You Can’t Deport Workers’ Rights!

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The National Immigrant Youth Alliance (NIYA) Statement in Support of Wal-Mart “Black Friday” Walk-outs 

Wal-Mart: You Can’t Deport Workers’ Rights!

 

Wal-Mart workers are fighting back and need our help! In one of the biggest labor fights this giant corporation has ever seen, we all play a role. Walmart is the largest private employer in the world with over 2.4 million employees. Unfortunately, many of the work-force made up of working families, immigrants, and women face increasing exploitation. A company continually raking in astronomical profits can afford to treat its employees with dignity and respect.

Over the years we have seen Wal-Mart constantly abuse workers, documented and undocumented – people who deserve better working conditions. This corporation has never used its power to improve the lives of many of these workers. This corporation has never used its power to improve the lives of many of these workers. Instead of being decent Wal-Mart has time and time again had to pay millions in settlements for mistreating its workers. Anyone with the nerve to challenge Wal-Mart has faced harsh consequences from reduced hours or threats to income.

As The National Immigrant Youth Alliance we stand in solidarity with the Wal-Mart workers walking out, and we ask that you join us by avoiding shopping at Wal-Mart this “Black Friday”!

The Walmart Board of Directors has been approached by workers for the past year to look for better wages, work hours, and workplace safety. Wal-Mart can make the right decision and begin reforming its exploitative practices or face a walkout this “Black Friday”. It’s crucial that we stand with workers on “Black Friday” and make the decision to support workers’ rights. It’s up to us to stand with these workers who are making history to change not only Wal-Mart, but the whole retail industry for the betterment of all.

Stand in solidarity with the Wal-Mart walk-out; click here to find a solidarity event to attend!

BREAKING: Viridiana Martinez to be Released From Broward Detention Center

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August 3, 2012

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BREAKING: Viridiana Martinez to be Released From Broward Detention Center
Public move displays hypocrisy of immigration officials

BROWARD, Fl.—Viridiana Martinez is being released from Broward Transitional Center right now. She will be outside after weeks of fighting for the release of hundreds of people inside the facility. Her release exemplifies the hypocrisy of detention policy; Immigration and Customs Enforcement only follows federal guidelines when it is forced to act in public. The National Immigrant Youth Alliance will continue to demand the release of all eligible detainees.

The organizers are demanding to remain until all low-priority detainees are released. Detainees like Leobardo Ocampo (A# 205-128-084) should be released alongside her as equally low-priority detainees.

In order to challenge Immigration and Customs Enforcement and GEO Group, Inc. which owns the facility, we have placed multiple NIYA members inside Broward Transitional Center to find people who are eligible for deferred action, are low-priority cases. In this one facility alone, we have found over 100 cases of people who, according to the Obama policies of the past year, should be released back to their families.

Viridiana and the other organizers inside Broward have found:
• people who have pending application for a U Visa;
• More than a dozen DREAM Act eligible youth;
• Over 60 individuals with no criminal record or prior deportations, some detained as passengers in vehicles;
• More than 3-dozen cases in which individuals are still eligible for discretion despite previous contacts with the system;
• Several cases of immigrants in need of immediate medical care, including one individual with a blood clot in his leg and a bullet in the spine;

Viridiana has been organizing alongside Claudio Rojas, a father of two who has been detained since February 10 and Marco Saavedra, a graduate of Kenyon College in Ohio and member of DreamActivist Ohio. Rojas was detained in 2010 after his son was stopped at a port checkpoint, the same checkpoint Viridiana Martinez allowed herself to be detained. Claudio has been fighting his own deportation to Argentina for over three years and has recently launched into a religious fast until he and others are released. Claudio, just like Viridiana and the other organizers within this facility are low-priority deportations and, according to President Obama, they should be dropped.

In accordance with the June 17th, 2011, memorandum issued by the Obama Administration, we now demand a full and complete review of each detainee at the Broward Detention center and ask that all low-priority detainees immediately be released and their cases administratively closed.

NIYA will no longer allow GEO Group or other private prison corporations to profit off of shattered families and broken lives. We will continue to organize inside their jails until the president lives up to his promises. Case summaries along with the national petition can be found online at http://action.dreamactivist.org/btc

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The National Immigrant Youth Alliance is an undocumented led network of 27 organizations in 24 states. As NIYA we believe the only way to safeguard our communities is to empower, educate and most importantly, escalate.

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE: Marco Saavedra, NIYA’s Second Implanted Activist, has been Detained in Broward Since July 11

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August 1st, 2012

media@theniya.org
734.262.9705 

Marco Saavedra, NIYA’s Second Implanted Activist, has been Detained in Broward Since July 11

Hundreds of stories gathered and hunger strikes under way; infiltrations to continue 

MIAMI—Today, the National Immigrant Youth Alliance reveals the name of another activist, Marco Saavedra, 22, detained since July 11. Saavedra, a graduate of Kenyon College in Ohio, allowed himself to be detained by approaching Border Patrol and inquiring about a friend who had recently been detained. Saavedra, along with Claudio Rojas and Omar Ramirez, activists among the detained men, have begun a hunger strike. Tomorrow, August 2, we will hold a press conference outside of the Miami ICE field offices announcing updates and plans moving forward.

*We will release an audio recording of Marco being detained, refuting ICE’s claim that they screen youth who are potentially eligible for deferred action*

WHEN: August 2, 1100AM EST

WHERE: Immigration Customs and Enforcement (ICE) Miami field office, 2805 SW 145th Ave., Miramar FL, 33027

WHO: National Immigrant Youth Alliance, undocumented youth and families with loved ones inside Broward

Despite clearly being eligible for President Obama’s recent memorandum on special treatment for DREAM Act eligible youth, Saavedra was detained by the officer and, as planned, sent to the Broward facility. Saavedra’s age ( DOB: Jan. 10, 1990) is posted on the ICE detainee locator site, indicating that they are clearly aware of his potential eligibility for deferred action.

On Monday, the National Immigrant Youth Alliance released the name of a female activist, Viridiana Martinez, who has been detained at Broward and is organizing on the women’s side of the center. Martinez turned herself in at the Port of Everglades in an effort to infiltrate the detention center and has been detained since July 20.

In accordance with the June 17, 2011, memorandum issued by the Obama Administration, the National Immigrant Youth Alliance is now demanding a full and complete review of all detainees at the Broward detention center.

Organizers inside have found over 100 instances of individuals being detained despite clearly meeting the low-priority threshold. We have verified this information with family members and attorneys outside. Inside, there are:

  • several people who have pending application for a U Visa (given to victims of serious crimes);
  • More than a dozen DREAM Act eligible youth;
  • Over 60 individuals with no criminal record or prior deportations, some detained as passengers in vehicles;
  • More than three dozen cases in which individuals are still eligible for discretion despite previous contacts with the system;
  • Several cases of immigrants in need of immediate medical care, including one individual with a blood clot in his leg (see Junior Hariott at http://action.dreamactivist.org/florida/junior/);

In over half of the cases, identified detainees have been held for a period longer than four months. These are individuals who would be eligible for administrative closure as outlined by the Obama Administration. By its own admission, immigration authorities see Broward as a low-priority facility: “BTC is a minimum security civil detention facility that generally houses mandatory detention and low level criminal cases.”  Not one of the detainees NIYA has identified meet the criteria for mandatory detention; in fact, other similar detainees held at nearby, high-security facility, Krome, are regularly released on bond and/or administrative closure.

Marco Saavedra, like Viridiana Martinez, is DREAM Act eligible. Both undocumented youth identified themselves as having entered the country at the age of fifteen, meaning ICE put aside the new deferred action policy to detain them. Undocumented youth who make contact with the system are no more safe than they were prior to the policy.

NIYA will no longer allow GEO Group or other private prison corporations to profit off of shattered families and broken lives. We will continue to organize inside their jails until the president lives up to his promises. Case summaries along with the national petition can be found online at http://action.dreamactivist.org/btc

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The National Immigrant Youth Alliance is an undocumented led network of 27 organizations in 24 states. As NIYA we believe the only way to safeguard our communities is to empower, educate and most importantly, escalate.

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE: NIYA Infiltrates Florida Detention Center to Prove Fraud of Obama Immigration Policy

Posted on by Prerna in Uncategorized | 22 Comments

July 30, 2012

media@theniya.org
  734.262.9705

NIYA Infiltrates Florida Detention Center to Prove Fraud of Obama Immigration Policy
Now demands full review of facility, jail organizing inside to continue 

MIAMI—The National Immigrant Youth Alliance will hold a press conference today outside the office of Senator Marco Rubio to discuss our internal review of Broward Detention Center in Broward, Florida. Over the course of the last month, 7 undocumented NIYA organizers have intentionally placed themselves into deportation proceedings in an effort to enter the Broward Detention Center to organize with detainees who, according to the Obama administration, should no longer be facing deportation.

Petition: http://action.dreamactivist.org/btc/

 

WHEN:                 12:00 pm NOON EST

WHERE:              Office of Sen. Marco Rubio (8669 NW 36th Street, Doral, FL 33166)
WHO:                    National Immigrant Youth Alliance, undocumented youth and families with loved ones inside the Detention Center.

Since June 17, 2011, the Obama Administration has insisted that it has been using discretion in deportation cases which can be considered “low-priority,” or cause undue hardship for citizen family members. In June of this year, Obama announced extending deferred action to undocumented youth after we occupied his campaign offices for two weeks, costing his campaign thousands of hours of staff time. To date only 1.9% of such cases have actually been dropped. Our internal review is in line with these national averages.

In order to challenge Immigration and Customs Enforcement and GEO Group, Inc. which owns the facility, we have placed multiple NIYA members inside Broward Transitional Center to find people who are eligible for deferred action, are low-priority cases. In this one facility alone, we have found over 100 cases of people who, according to the Obama policies of the past year, should be released back to their families.

According to the information given to us by the organizers inside, there are:

  • people inside Broward who have pending application for a U Visa;
  • More than a dozen DREAM Act eligible youth;
  • Over 60 individuals with no criminal record or prior deportations, some detained as passengers in vehicles;
  • More than 3-dozen cases in which individuals are still eligible for discretion despite previous contacts with the system;
  • Several cases of immigrants in need of immediate medical care, including one individual with a blood clot in his leg and another with a bullet in the spine;

Organizers within the center include Viridiana Martinez, a NIYA member from North Carolina and well-known activist in the state. Viridiana was detained a little over a week ago. Claudio Rojas, father of two, was detained in 2010 after his son was stopped at a port checkpoint, the same checkpoint Viridiana Martinez allowed herself to be detained. Claudio has been fighting his own deportation to Argentina for over three years and has recently launched into a religious fast until he and others are released. Claudio, just like Viridiana and the other organizers within this facility are low-priority deportations and, according to President Obama, they should be dropped.

In accordance with the June 17th, 2011, memorandum issued by the Obama Administration, we now demand a full and complete review of each detainee at the Broward Detention center and ask that all low-priority detainees immediately be released and their cases administratively closed.

NIYA will no longer allow GEO Group or other private prison corporations to profit off of shattered families and broken lives. We will continue to organize inside their jails until the president lives up to his promises. Case summaries along with the national petition can be found online at http://action.dreamactivist.org/btc


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The National Immigrant Youth Alliance is an undocumented led network of 27 organizations in 24 states. As NIYA we believe the only way to safeguard our communities is to empower, educate and most importantly, escalate.

MEDIA ADVISORY: West Coast DREAM Graduation Ceremony in San Francisco Tomorrow at Noon

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June 29, 2012

 

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  704.281.9911

 

West Coast DREAM Graduation Ceremony in San Francisco Tomorrow at Noon

Angela Davis to give keynote speech

 NATIONAL—Undocumented youth will be holding a DREAM Graduation ceremony in San Francisco Civic Center Plaza tomorrow at 12PM. The celebration is an affirmation of immigrant youth, along with their struggles and activism. The event is the complement to the event held in Washington D.C. on Tuesday this week and is the first West Coast graduation of its kind. Legendary activist Angela Davis will give the keynote speech for the event.

 “We need to stand up for our human rights,” said Mohammad Abdollahi, a member of the National Immigrant Youth Alliance and the founder of DreamActivist.org. “Congress needs to act now before other states worsen their attacks on our communities nationwide.”

The East Coast event was a response to the upholding of racial profiling provisions of SB1070 and a returned call to action for a federal solution for immigrant rights. DreamActivist.org is a plaintiff in HICA v. Bentley, the case against Alabama’s HB56 law, largely modeled on SB1070. Today’s decision will have an impact on Alabama’s law. NIYA and DreamActivist.org will continue to defend immigrant communities nationwide against prejudice and zealous law enforcement. We will continue to fight for our human rights. The East Coast event was the largest in history, with over 500 undocumented youth from 17 states participating.

WHAT: DREAM Graduation

WHO: Undocumented Youth, Angela Davis

WHERE: San Francisco Civic Center Plaza (355 McAllister Street, San Francisco, CA 94102)

WHEN: 12 Noon

VISUALS: Caps, gowns, marching, signs, “undocumented and unafraid” 

###

 

The National Immigrant Youth Alliance is an undocumented youth-led network committed to achieving equality for all undocumented youth. We have member organizations in Alabama, California, Colorado, D.C., Florida, Georgia, Hawaii, Illinois, Kentucky, Louisiana, Michigan, New York, North Carolina, Ohio, Oregon, Pennsylvania, Virginia, and Washington and have relationships with activists throughout the entire country. We are the only independent national organization of undocumented youth. Through advocacy, grassroots organizing, direct action and civil disobedience, we will develop a sustainable movement or justice and equality led by those most affected and supported by committed, conscientious allies.

REMINDER: DREAM Graduation at Noon Today in Washington, D.C.

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June 26, 2012

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704.281.9911

REMINDER: DREAM Graduation at Noon Today in Washington, D.C. 

National Immigrant Youth Alliance brings undocumented youth from across the country to keep fighting

 NATIONAL—Today, the National Immigrant Youth Alliance is gathering in Washington, D.C. for a direct response to the upholding of the racial profiling provision of Arizona’s SB1070. Undocumented youth will hold a graduation ceremony near the Supreme Court, followed by a march near the court complex to stand against attacks on our communities nationwide and to push for a legislative solution from congress. While the deferred action policy may provide many of those in attendance a temporary protection, we have to continue to press Congress and the federal government to affirm human rights and find a permanent solution for the immigrant community.

“We need to stand up for our human rights,” said Mohammad Abdollahi, a member of the National Immigrant Youth Alliance and the founder of DreamActivist.org. “Congress needs to act now before other states worsen their attacks on our communities nationwide.”

DreamActivist.org is a plaintiff in HICA v. Bentley, the case against Alabama’s HB56 law, largely modeled on SB1070. Today’s decision will have an impact on Alabama’s law. NIYA and DreamActivist.org will continue to defend immigrant communities nationwide against prejudice and zealous law enforcement. We will continue to fight for our human rights. Over 500 undocumented youth will be in attendance from over 16 states.

Sponsors of DREAM Graduation include: the American Immigration Lawyers Association, America’s Voice Education Fund, Benach Ragland LLP, CASA de Maryland, Center for New Community, National Day Laborers Organizing Network, National Immigration Forum, National Immigration Project of the National Lawyers Guild, National Lawyers Guild, Restaurant Opportunities Center-DC, Tennessee Immigrant and Refugee Rights Coalition.

WHAT: DREAM Graduation, a response to SB1070 and support for Congressional action

WHO: National Immigrant Youth Alliance

WHERE: Lutheran Church of the Reformation, 212 East Capitol Street, Washington, DC 20003

WHEN: 12 Noon, June 26

VISUALS: Caps, gowns, marching, signs, “undocumented and unafraid” 

###

 The National Immigrant Youth Alliance is an undocumented youth-led network committed to achieving equality for all undocumented youth. We have member organizations in Alabama, California, Colorado, D.C., Florida, Georgia, Hawaii, Illinois, Kentucky, Louisiana, Michigan, New York, North Carolina, Ohio, Oregon, Pennsylvania, Virginia, and Washington and have relationships with activists throughout the entire country. We are the only independent national organization of undocumented youth. Through advocacy, grassroots organizing, direct action and civil disobedience, we will develop a sustainable movement or justice and equality led by those most affected and supported by committed, conscientious allies.

Need A Work Permit? Place Yourself In Deportation

Posted on by Prerna in Immigration | 4 Comments

Today, in a letter to Assistant Majority Leader Dick Durbin (D-IL) and 21 other Senators, Department of Homeland Security Secretary Janet Napolitano announced that the Administration has established a new process for handling the deportation cases of DREAM Act students and other sympathetic individuals. If fully implemented, the new process should stop virtually all DREAM Act deportations.

I’ve personally been dreading this bit of news since I heard about it a couple weeks ago. This is President Obama’s solution to an immigration system in shambles as a response to immigrant youth who are increasingly speaking out against the criminalization of immigrant communities, taking action against Secure Communities and capturing the media airwaves on issues beyond just the narrowly-tailored DREAM Act.

Here is how the new process works:

Under the new process, a Department of Homeland Security (DHS) and Department of Justice (DOJ) working group will develop specific criteria to identify low-priority removal cases that should be considered for prosecutorial discretion. These criteria will be based on “positive factors” from the Morton Memo, which include individuals present in the U.S. since childhood (like DREAM Act students), minors, the elderly, pregnant and nursing women, victims of serious crimes, veterans and members of the armed services, and individuals with serious disabilities or health problems. The working group will develop a process for reviewing cases pending before immigration and federal courts that meet these specific criteria.

On a regular basis, ICE attorneys will individually review every case scheduled for a hearing within the next 1-2 months to identify those cases that meet these specific criteria. These cases will be closed except in extraordinary circumstances, in which case the reviewing attorney must receive the approval of a supervisor to move forward. DHS will also begin reviewing all 300,000 pending cases to identify those that meet these specific criteria. These cases will be closed except in extraordinary circumstances, in which case the reviewing attorney must receive the approval of a supervisor to move forward. Individuals whose cases are closed will be able to apply for certain immigration benefits, including work authorization. All applications for benefits will be reviewed on a case-by-case basis.

This “change” is actually putting into effect the guidelines in the new “Morton memo” or the older “Meissner memo.” It’s too early to say whether the new cosmetic change would fetch changes to the lives of real immigrants in proceedings but it certainly doesn’t do anything for the more than 11 million undocumented immigrants living in the shadows .

It is a real wonder how Obama suddenly finds that he has some power over immigration matters when it becomes politically convenient for his re-election campaign. The guidelines clearly gives undocumented youth more incentives for putting themselves in removal, which is hard to do. And I won’t go into how to do it here. The blueprint comes after months of organizing by undocumented youth asking to stop the deportations of DREAM students so it is a direct answer to a persistent request and a win of sorts but that doesn’t mean DREAM-eligible youth won’t find themselves in deportation proceedings.

I also wonder what is “low priority” as opposed to “high priority.” Are undocumented immigrants arrested for minor traffic infractions going to be “high priority” for deportation given how the Obama Administration is hell-bent on expanding the notion of criminality and crime?

In sum, as Attorney Cyrus Mehta states, “the White House announcement is a promotion of Morten memo on prosecutorial discretion rather than a new form of administrative relief.” Only time will tell whether it actually has any tangible effect. From one point of view, undocumented youth could already place themselves in proceedings and get work permits so this is really nothing new. And yet, this is the first time, the Obama Administration has actually set out to follow its defined immigration priorities.

Here’s my problem — 501(c)(3) advocate are rushing to call this a victory or good news when it doesn’t directly impact their lives. President Obama should not be let off the hook or praised for doing something considerably small. It’s a small fix to ensure that the system keeps working as immigration courts become increasingly clogged with useless cases year after year. Instead of buying into this re-election sham, immigrant rights activists must keep up the pressure and continue to hold his feet to the fire.

Nothing has changed yet — families are still being torn apart. ICE raids and Secure Communities continue to terrorize us. And I still need a job to make any of this count.

“That Woman Who Comes to Clean”

Posted on by Prerna in Poetry | Leave a comment

That woman who comes to clean
What do you know about her?
She’s just the woman who enters your office after hours
Leaving your office nice and clean for the next business day.

That woman who comes to clean
Washes your urinals and toilets
Dusts your tables and desks
Vacuums your rugs and carpets
Mops your floors and tiles
Throws away your waste and garbage
Recycles your empty cans and bottles.

That woman who comes to clean
Her torn hands tremble with age
Her weary eyes reflect a deep pain
Her shoulders slump with the weight
of responsibilities too huge for her to handle
Her bones ache from the laborious tasks
Her breath comes out in short spurts
She sneezes and wheezes
The toxic smell of cleaning chemicals
constantly invade her nostrils.

That woman who comes to clean
She works diligently without complaints, without asking for a pay raise.
Hands you a “Thank You” note and a bottle of wine during the holidays,
Hoping you would not notice how she has slowed down over the years,
Fearing that you may take advantage of the fact that she is a woman
working in dark and dangerous places after hours,
Worrying about whether you would fire her when you find out how ill she is,
Praying that you would just let her keep her job.

That woman who comes to clean
She drives a pickup truck
from one door to the next
making your living environment
clean and habitable
for next to nothing in return.

That woman who comes to clean
She’s my mother.

I’m supposed to be brushing up on legal writing samples for job interviews this week but I had to get this out after someone referred to my mom as “the woman who comes to clean” in an email. I hope everyone takes the time to get to know their maids, janitors and other service-workers and treat them like human beings who deserve respect beyond “the woman who comes to clean.”

For more, read Angy’s Immigrant Mani Pedi.

How To Place Yourself In Deportation Proceedings

Posted on by Prerna in Immigration | 6 Comments

If you are undocumented, you cannot just walk into a local ICE office and demand a “Notice to Appear” issued for you. They’ll tell you that there is nothing they can do for you. You can occupy Congressional offices and shut down traffic for hours on the busiest streets in Los Angeles, but ICE will simply pay you a visit in jail, tell you not to do it again and leave you alone. It takes real skills and a lot of hard-work to get yourself placed in proceedings so here is a list of how to do so:

1. Drive while brown or black. Do something outrageous like barking at a dog while you are at a stop-light or not coming to a complete stop at a stop sign.
2. Walk home drunk with a few other brown friends.
3. Look for a day-job to make a living for your family and make sure to stand out in a totally white neighborhood rather than a random Home Depot.
4. Get lost looking for a McDonald’s and accidentally drive into Canada and try to talk your way back into the U.S.
5. Try to leave the country through the Southwest border. You are likely to get arrested and placed in jail before any sort of hearing. Actually, you may not even get a hearing.
6. Travel on Amtrak within 100 miles of the border for graduate school orientation. You should know better as a brown person — seeking higher education is a huge offense.
7. File for asylum at the border after facing horrific persecution in your home country. Wait many years for the claim to be adjudicated, build a life and family here and then get your asylum claim denied.
8. Be quadriplegic or better yet, a four-year-old U.S. citizen.
9. Call the police for help when your spouse abuses you, or better yet, divorce your abusive H-1 spouse.
10. Turn 21 — age-out — after waiting for years for the priority date of a family visa petition and insist on filing for adjustment of status anyway because you think it is preposterous that your mother isn’t your “immediate relative.”

***This post is supposed to be satire. It is not meant as legal advice.***

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